06 April 2011

The Met Gala Rules

Anna Dello Russo, Editor-at-Large for Japanese Vogue and eccentric girl about town issued 10 Rules for those attending the annual Met Gala, with unfathomable standards, lousy but amusing English ("the Giselle's body" and HELLS for HEELS), and inexplicable usage of all caps. 

Anna Dello Russo

1. It's Prohibited choose the wrong OUTFIT.
Look and look again hundred thousand times
all the shows on Vogue.com.

2. Opt for the HAUTE COUTURE.
You only live once!

3. For at least a month before, prepare your
BODY with an iron DETOX discipline and
a daily TRAINING.
You must be radiant!

4. Choose a long evening GOWN.
Unless you don't have the Giselle's body
not wear a short dress!

5. Put some beautiful SHOES with which
walk straight and FIERCE.
Your legs cannot wobbling over
HELLS exceeding 11 cm.

6. MAKEUP and HAIR: 
Here you can exaggerate!
You have to invent a character,
you'll transform into another woman,
give her another name
and you'll feel more SECURE.

7. Strictly: JEWEL-CLUTCH in hand.

8. Leave your WATCH at home, even if precious,
cause it may be unkind to those who invited you.

9. Rigorously forbidden to take iPhone pics
at VIP'S and CELEBS!

10. When you get to that very long,
dreadful RED CARPET,
take a deep breath and SMILE."

Thanks, Anna, for insider tips, like "wear a nice dress and shoes you can walk in" and "try to avoid deep dish pizza the month before." I want the real stuff! Like don't UNPLUG Katy Perry's Dress, avoid spilling red wine ON Diane Kruger's Calvin Klein, and try to refrain from asking Andre Leon Talley how many CHILDREN are stashed under his cape."

Anyway, for all the normals out there, I'll see you on NYMag.com on May 3 to browse the 2011 slideshows, deal?

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