09 March 2009

How to Dress for Paris Fashion Week

Paris Fashion Week is in full swing, and OH! what to wear to the parties?

Model
Wear the skinniest black pants you can find and make sure to strike poses as if you're in a Fiona Apple video. Or just make like a bunch of ethereal nymphish floating heads of blondness and eyeliner.


Actress
You kind of look like an idiot at these parties. I'd like to think that there is still a slight purity of purpose to the Parisian fashion shows and thus get distraught to see barely working, albeit lovely, actresses at gallivanting about. But, if you do get invited because you're so avant and global and available, don't wear a skating costume constructed entirely of chain mail.


A Dude
It helps when you're skinny, sporting a vest, and can gloat to all the smug Frenchies about having just designed Michelle Obama's Inauguration dress. Well done, Jason Wu.


Kanye West
Don't wear your signature Louis Vuitton shoes with jeans that make your legs bizarrely stumpy. Also, get better and less neon arm candy.


Other
Kudos for scoring an invitation! You must be either inexplicably weird or a Trania. Make sure to dress like a crazy, wear only one bit of intense makeup(LIPS!), and comb your hair with a clam shell. The Beautiful People will be so confused that they'll deem you fabulous and your position as a fashionable party hopper and camera scowler will be forever set.


Or just grab hold of some Veuve, some fake lashes and some Anderson and go as Lady Bunny. At least she looks like she's having fun.

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